Am I Just Stressed or Is It Anxiety?”: Unpacking the South Asian Experience
Let’s face it, as South Asians, we’ve often been dismissed—by family, community, or even ourselves—when something feels off inside. We ignore it, power through. Anxiety often goes unnamed in our homes, brushed aside as weakness or just “too much thinking.” But ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. In fact, for many of us, it becomes the baseline. It gets stronger and feels like an overwhelming burden that you can’t shake. It becomes our normal.
What Anxiety Looks Like for Us
💭 Mental Patterns:
Overanalyzing conversations after they’ve happened
Being critical of yourself for what you said
Rehearsing and scripting conversations
Decision paralysis – fear of making the ‘wrong’ decision
Worrying how messages come across; checking in repeatedly
Trouble sleeping because of a racing mind
🧠 Body-Based Symptoms:
Leg bouncing, nail picking, stomach discomfort or pain
Feeling wired but tired
Shutting down with TV or endless scrolling
♀️ Relational/Behavioral Patterns:
Fear of saying “no” or disappointing others, especially parents and elders
Asking for permission to make decisions; deferring constantly
Feeling like you’re about to be corrected or judged
Defensiveness about your behavior or choices; preparing to explain yourself
These patterns often start in childhood. As humans, we need safety, stability, and to feel loved and accepted. As children, our primary sources for those things are our caregivers. When we realize the only way to receive love or approval is to be "good," we begin to suppress our needs and move toward appeasement. Over time, this turns into chronic anxiety.
Why This Isn’t "Just" Anxiety — It’s Cultural Conditioning
If it were just a handful of us, we might call it individual anxiety. But when so many South Asians experience these symptoms, we have to recognize it as a culturally conditioned pattern. In Western psychology, something is considered a "disorder" if it:
Causes impairment or distress in daily functioning
Disrupts typical psychological, biological, or developmental processes
Is culturally unexpected (source)
Given how common these experiences are in our community, it becomes clear: this is not an isolated disorder, but a shared cultural experience. You're not alone. You're not broken. This is more than just you.
How Cultural Dynamics Shape Anxiety
🔒 We Didn’t Learn How to Feel Safe Many of us were punished for small mistakes. Spilling water might bring yelling, shame, or consequences. This teaches us: mistakes = danger. We stop experimenting, stop asking questions, stop trusting ourselves.
🤝 We Were Trained to Abandon Ourselves When parents asked what we wanted and then dismissed our answer, we learned that our choices don't matter. Even choosing an ice cream flavor could result in criticism. We internalize the belief that it's better not to choose at all.
⚖️ Goal Getter = Emptiness South Asians are celebrated for their academic and career success. But often, achievements are driven by fear of judgment rather than joy. The goalpost always moves, and the relief we hoped for never arrives. We perform, achieve, and succeed, only to feel empty.
⚡ Nervous System Overload This isn’t just psychological—it's physiological. Constant overstimulation leads to a dysregulated nervous system. Many of us live in a chronic state of fight-flight-freeze-fawn. We learned to anticipate danger from unpredictable environments. That anticipation is anxiety.
What You Can Do: Starting the Healing
🌿 Step One: Name It Without Shame You are not broken. Your body adapted. That’s intelligence, not weakness. Get curious: what are these sensations trying to tell you? Label them gently.
🏋️ Step Two: Slow the Body Down Anxiety pushes us to rush. Healing asks us to slow down. Try breathwork, mindful movement, or somatic exercises. Remind your body that you're safe now.
🗣 Step Three: Seek Support That Gets It A culturally aware therapist can help you understand your patterns while honoring your values. You don’t have to give up your culture to heal—you just need to give up the parts that harm you.
You don’t have to power through this. You deserve rest, peace, and self-trust—not just survival. Healing isn’t a destination. Every step you take to figure out what feels right for you is a step closer to your most authentic life.
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Healthful Healing,
Surabhi
