Doubt is Another Word for Sabotage
In my many moments of doubt in life, I have inevitably sabotaged opportunities for growth, change, and, worst of all, happiness.
I grew up in a world where I was encouraged to do the best I could in academic performance. I remember learning multiplication tables and writing them repeatedly so I would know them by heart, as young as kindergarten. I would be bored out of my mind, and I didn’t understand it until a couple of years later when the math was actually mathing. All to say, it didn’t matter if I couldn’t connect the dots, I had to achieve academically.
However, there was not much encouragement for growth in other areas of my life. The idea of free-flowing speech was not accepted. Contrasting opinions were seen as disobedient and resulted in scolding. I learned not to trust myself because I was rarely given the opportunity to try and learn.
To trust yourself, you need space to have encouragement and leave a little room for failure. Without this, you end up depending on those around you to tell you what is right or wrong. Helicopter parenting is a great example of this- if they hover, then you can’t get hurt as badly (by the world), but you also can’t become proud of your own accomplishments.
Why bring all this up? Because I want you to understand the reason for your doubts about who you are, what you can accomplish, or who you can become may feel like the most ridiculous idea to you. In part, because you followed the rules, the parents hovered around, and you didn’t have a chance to fail.
Doubt is natural. Doubt is even necessary- it helps us to reconsider, pause, and take precautions - but at some point, you have to leap. Every moment I have let doubt build and questioned myself, regrettably at a later point I feel awful, with a pit in my stomach, thinking if I had only done the thing, I could be where “x” person is. I won’t get into how comparison is the thief of joy, (that’s for another time), but what I will say is doubt can be a wise friend, but your friend can’t live your life for you.
Self doubt will keep you from living your life the way you deserve if you let it. And that’s what we call sabotage.
So if you want to stop sabotaging your life and letting doubt win:
Identify the doubts. Sit with it for a moment, name them ALOUD, and write them down.
Explore the consequences of the thing you have doubts about. (Yes this is important)
Now let’s explore why you want to do it anyway, after all…you wouldn’t be thinking about it if there wasn’t SOME reason it was important to you.
Consider any changes you may want to make, but ultimately, DO THE THING.
Staying stuck in any one of these steps will keep you in sabotage mode. And yes this list might feel hard at first, but only because you’re teaching yourself it’s ok to doubt yourself AND still make moves. You’re learning to trust yourself - and trust is built over time. You got this.
Let me know what you’re going to make a move on.
